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A Jaded Fur's Rantings

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Going to try posting more in LJ, maybe try to get a pen/paper journal too. Dunno yet. Anyway... I'm worried. It seems like people look up to me, come to me for aid... and whereas I enjoy feeling needed, no doubt, it ratchets up my anxiety. Why do people think I can take care of them? I can't even take care of myself... still living with parents, stuck in a dead-end job, barely making enough money to pay my child support and afford gas. How do people think I can help them with my own situation sucking so much?

I don't have the answers. I don't have a perfect fix. And honestly, it scares me because I feel it'll be even worse when I fail these people.

Pff. All of these insecurities and doubts. And I'm supposed to be a Dom. Guess that's just another thing I fail at.

I'm no Superman. Hell, I'm not even Clark Kent.

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II am
I am awesome.

That is all. :p

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Bleh. Got a job, got paid, hanging out with friends. So why do I still feel so run-down? The depression has a firm grip on me. It doesn't help that this month, money's going to be extremely tight..I really shouldn't be eating out tonight.. but the overall thing that eats at me is the loneliness.

Money's tight.. work's a bitch.. tired of being stuck in the same old situations. But all of this would be so much more bearable if I had someone to call mine, someone to hold, someone to help me release my tensions.

Of course, I don't have the time or the funds to go looking, and even if I did, I'd have to get the courage up to actually do anything. Beyond the whole appearance thing, of course. I don't see things getting better.. suppose one of these days I should just go get put on zombie pills. At least then I can be comfortably numb.

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Work in progress, et cetera and so forth... Skip over this if you don't care about gaming, yadda yadda...

In the beginning, there was the Void. The Void consumed all, and thus the Void –was- all. Eventually there came to be an entity the Void could not consume, an entity stronger than the Void. This entity is known as the Great Beast, the Primordial, The First. The Great Beast attempted to bring more life, but the Void destroyed any new creation. Finally the Great Beast realized that He would have to be the foundation. The Void could not destroy the Great Beast, and thus if something was made of the Great Beast, it would likewise be out of the Void’s control.

So the Great Beast curled up, with the Void howling all about Him, and He slept. His body became the solid ground; His blood became the lifeblood of all Magic. As the Great Beast slumbered, His body grew, forming mountains and forests, volcanoes and oceans (although at the time, the oceans were dry; nothing more than vast gulfs). Such was the power of the Great Beast’s essence that the very things that grew on Him gained a life of their own; powerful spirits who would come to be known as Gods in their own right.

The Gods roamed and made alliances and rivalries with each other; and at some point the Goddess of Water was slain by the God of Fire. This was the first death known to any of the Gods; indeed, it was the first death in the world (the Void simply destroyed at this point, it’s victims didn’t die so much as simply ceased to exist). All of the Gods, including the God of Fire, wept. It is these tears that filled the gulfs between land, which made simple rivers and streams into the large oceans we have today.
The Void was still active, and it raged impotently. The sheer temerity of these beings, these Gods who, by their very nature defied the Void’s power and dominion, was too much. For a long time the Void could do nothing (It was during this time that the Gods created their children, the flesh and blood of the earth), until the Void came to an understanding. It could not destroy the Great Beast’s children, but perhaps if it had proxies of it’s own, -they- could accomplish the task (and of course, be destroyed by the Void when they had finished).

Now during this time, as mentioned, the Gods were busy creating their own spawn. Their essence was not as strong as the Great Beast’s, so their creations were weaker, flesh and blood that could easily be killed. However, despite the occasional argument, the Gods all got along at this time; and so their children followed suit. The races put on the earth had their preferred areas, and to this day many creatures are unaware of the existence of many others. Those who did interact did so peacefully. Even the goblins worked amiably with the humanoids.
It took roughly 300 of our years for the Void to introduce its plan, for it is easier to destroy than it is to create. The Void introduced its own spirits, those of hatred, greed, and death, into this world. These spirits went out and infected others, much like a plague. Not even the Gods were immune, and many fell to darkness and hatred, taking their chosen ‘offspring’ with them.

Not only did this effectively turn the world into a much more dangerous place, it introduced a sort of ‘tear’ in the fabric of the world due to the Void’s influence. Where this may seem like a small victory for the Void, it backfired. Demons from another plane of existence found this tear and came through, sensing a mostly-pristine world to corrupt and twist.

So begins the Demongate Wars.
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It's getting closer to June 10th, and as usual, it's marking a period of depression for me. Maybe I hide it well, maybe no one really gives a damn enough to notice, but the truth is, my situation weighs heavily on me; and around my birthday is when it really hits hard. Another year of my life past, another year with nothing to show for it. Still stuck living with parents, stuck with no job, and still single. I want nothing more than to disappear completely. Bleh.
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How badly do I suck? I get shot down and scare people away via facebook. Someone I had a bit of a mini-crush on was feeling kinda down about her current relationship problems... I sent her a message affirming she'll find happiness, and kinda mentioned that I did have said mini-crush.

Might be my paranoia, but I'd swear she's avoiding me online now. :I Can't win for losing, I guess.

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The kingdom of Durial has the distinction of being one of the first civilized locations in the world. If one listens to the legends, the First Emperor was a great dragon whom established the city-state of Th'rax'ialan, now known simply as Thrax, or by it's common nickname, the Jade Center. Whether or not this is true, there is no denying the strength and reach of Durial. Durial's tendrils extend to cover almost all of it's native continent, and it is constantly attempting to expand and tame the Wild Lands that defy the hold of modern civilization.

Durial is an empire, with the Emperor given position and power to lead through the blessings of the First Emperor. The Empire, thusly, sees a lot of nepotism. The capitol is very human-centric and biased against other races; there are small handfuls of elves and dwarves, but they are resigned to manual labor and life in slum quarters. The outer regions of Durial are similar, but some frontier cities allow for mixed living, depending on the wisdom and temperance of their individual Keepers.

Durial's major export is magic goods, although the Empire keeps tight grips on their precious Magetech. Durial has strength in the fact that it has no major imports; where the Empire does trade for exotic spices and goods, they control enough land to not really -need- for anything.
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Script Frenzy starts on the 1st, and I'm going to give it a shot. I've got a couple of screenplay ideas, but usually I wind up getting not too far with them.

Hopefully with SF backing, I can hammer out something at least somewhat decent. Considering I'm getting a major case of the depressios again, maybe having this to focus on will help in that arena, too.

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With one man's redemption, the Galactic Empire was shaken to the core. Palpatine's death marked the beginning of a new era, one of rebuilding and hope. That was the general idea, at least. Plans rarely work out the way idealists desire them to.
Throughout the Clone Wars, the man who was known as Darth Sidious blatantly disregarded Darth Bane's Rule of Two; keeping several would-be Sith under his control and tutelage. This did not change when Sidious took control as Emperor. Darth Vader was the prominent face of the Sith, and the well-known disciple of Palpatine, but there were others. While not a Sith, or even a Force-user, Prince Xizor was vying with Vader for position as Palpatine's right hand. Overarching ambition led to the downfall of the Falleen Prince, but he was not the only one who coveted Vader's position.
Palpatine had been coaching another, strong in the Dark Side of the force. Despite the Empire's general viewpoint on non-humans, the Emperor made connections with aliens as he saw fit; and sometime during the corruption of Anakin Skywalker, Emperor Palpatine found a young Trandoshan. This member of an already war-like race was fueled by hatred at a young age, his rage originating from the deaths of his parents at the hands of Wookiee 'freedom fighters.' That rage, tempered with a desire for power and forged by Palpatine's hand, would create a deadly, if not unknown, menace.
Palpatine knew that Vader may turn, he had seen the desperation to bring Luke Skywalker to the Dark Side rather than kill him; and in that moment sensed a crack in the armor of the Dark Lord. Keeping the knowledge of the Trandoshan a secret to all others, Palpatine gave him orders to destroy Vader if he did indeed turn from service to the Emperor. No one, not even the Galactic Emperor, can control time and fate, however, and the hidden apprentice was not present during the conflict aboard the Death Star. He felt his Master's death through the Force, and returned to find the Death Star gone. At that point, the Trandoshan set his resolve to a new task. There would be a new Master. His name would be Darth Malys.
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Peace is a lie; there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.
—The Sith Code


The true way of the Sith is to obtain perfection: perfect power, perfect strength, and perfect destiny. Through this, the way of the Sith entails power through dominance; the Sith knew of victory through peace or negotiation, but felt that unless victory came through a show of strength and superiority, it was hollow and an illusion.

Likewise, despite what many failed Sith students would like to believe, the true way of the Sith did not mean 'do whatever you want', but more to 'break the chains' of restrictions, in any form. (once again, refer to the belief that victory should be achieved by strength and superiority). Thus, gathering innocent people and slaughtering them for no true reason is not in the true way of the Sith, whereas destroying someone who dare oppose you in a matter, no matter how small, is more to form.

The Sith fully embrace their passion, and the Dark Side, which is the path of corruption; therefore, it is easy to see that a Sith Lord may, in the previous example, not only kill the person who opposes them, but may also decimate that person's entire family, giving in to their passions and showing their total superiority. In this, the Sith walk a fine line, much like the Jedi, and it is perhaps because of this that so many "Sith" never find that true purpose or power.

*The Sith Code and most of the points above taken from Wookieepedia.
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